I may be one of the world’s greatest actresses
Although, I don’t perform on a big screen or stage
I’ve no fancy fan following with a million likes on an Instagram page
Red carpet has never been beneath my feet
Cameras don’t flash while a large crowd greets. 
No credits to my name,
or billboards boasting of my fame.
And yet, I may be one of the world’s greatest actresses

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How can I be one of the world’s greatest actresses, you may ask
I guess you could say,
being one of the best actresses required me to pay.
But no money was spent on lessons
Private coaches were not hired
Acting school wasn’t something I desired

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To become one of the best actresses, a very different price was paid
It started with a phone call on March 23, 2019
But this call wasn’t a casting director seeking talent from me
Rather, this was my oldest brother sadly informing there was somewhere I needed to be 

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Hollywood wasn’t calling my name
Rather I hurried to Knoxville, Tennessee - a place of much less fame
All the way from Pennsylvania, I rushed to a Tennessee hospital like an actress late for her audition
But no agents or directors awaited my arrival. 
Instead, a team of nurses swarmed about the intensive care unit

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Before a room I stood, preparing to turn the corner
I was like an actress, overcome with stage fright 
I wanted to hide behind the curtain, hoping it would never open

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I didn’t want the cameras on me anymore
I didn’t want to be the star of this show
I didn’t want to face this fate
All I wanted was to rewind the tape 

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The corner disappeared behind my shoulder as I took a step forward
The sight before me was real, unlike a scripted show 
What was my expression when I saw my sister in the hospital bed?
Like a scene without lines, there was nothing to be said
as my sister lie dead in the hospital bed. 

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Grief taught me how to be the world’s greatest actress
My eyes learned how to mask the pain
My mouth learned how to form a Hollywood smile
My movements reflected a poised actress, accepting her Oscar award
My encounters with others became scripted, anticipating the next line

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Over the years, my acting improved, making me an A-list actress
I didn’t need any classes or coaches to teach me techniques
I perfected my acting skill with every encounter I had

I acted happy when I was sad
I acted excited when I was depressed
I acted grateful when I was angry
I acted fulfilled when I was hollow
I acted healed when I was broken
I acted normal when I was grieving

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People believed my acting,
I felt so critically acclaimed
It was only a matter of time until I’d be added to Hollywood’s Walk of Fame

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But my name on a star wasn’t something I wanted
There was no part of me wishing to be flaunted 
All I wanted was to hug my sister
And let her know how much I missed her 

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The curtain began to fall
Acting wasn’t what I wanted at all
I didn’t want the show to go on

I just wanted grief to be gone

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I tried tearing off my mask
And ripping up my scripts
I stopped smiling as big as a Hollywood sign
And I despised being an A-list actress

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I couldn’t keep acting like I was in a movie -
my emotions can’t be scripted and predicted
My love for Sarah isn’t for show
My love for her is deeper than anyone could ever know

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I didn’t audition for the grieving sister role
But I’ve been forced to play the part
No matter what it’s done to my grieving heart

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I may be the world’s greatest actress
But I wish that you’d see, 
That all this time what I really want to be
is the world’s worst actress