I may be one of the world’s greatest actresses
Although, I don’t perform on a big screen or stage
I’ve no fancy fan following with a million likes on an Instagram page
Red carpet has never been beneath my feet
Cameras don’t flash while a large crowd greets.
No credits to my name,
or billboards boasting of my fame.
And yet, I may be one of the world’s greatest actresses
How can I be one of the world’s greatest actresses, you may ask
I guess you could say,
being one of the best actresses required me to pay.
But no money was spent on lessons
Private coaches were not hired
Acting school wasn’t something I desired
To become one of the best actresses, a very different price was paid
It started with a phone call on March 23, 2019
But this call wasn’t a casting director seeking talent from me
Rather, this was my oldest brother sadly informing there was somewhere I needed to be
Hollywood wasn’t calling my name
Rather I hurried to Knoxville, Tennessee - a place of much less fame
All the way from Pennsylvania, I rushed to a Tennessee hospital like an actress late for her audition
But no agents or directors awaited my arrival.
Instead, a team of nurses swarmed about the intensive care unit
Before a room I stood, preparing to turn the corner
I was like an actress, overcome with stage fright
I wanted to hide behind the curtain, hoping it would never open
I didn’t want the cameras on me anymore
I didn’t want to be the star of this show
I didn’t want to face this fate
All I wanted was to rewind the tape
The corner disappeared behind my shoulder as I took a step forward
The sight before me was real, unlike a scripted show
What was my expression when I saw my sister in the hospital bed?
Like a scene without lines, there was nothing to be said
as my sister lie dead in the hospital bed.
Grief taught me how to be the world’s greatest actress
My eyes learned how to mask the pain
My mouth learned how to form a Hollywood smile
My movements reflected a poised actress, accepting her Oscar award
My encounters with others became scripted, anticipating the next line
Over the years, my acting improved, making me an A-list actress
I didn’t need any classes or coaches to teach me techniques
I perfected my acting skill with every encounter I had
I acted happy when I was sad
I acted excited when I was depressed
I acted grateful when I was angry
I acted fulfilled when I was hollow
I acted healed when I was broken
I acted normal when I was grieving
People believed my acting,
I felt so critically acclaimed
It was only a matter of time until I’d be added to Hollywood’s Walk of Fame
But my name on a star wasn’t something I wanted
There was no part of me wishing to be flaunted
All I wanted was to hug my sister
And let her know how much I missed her
The curtain began to fall
Acting wasn’t what I wanted at all
I didn’t want the show to go on
I just wanted grief to be gone
I tried tearing off my mask
And ripping up my scripts
I stopped smiling as big as a Hollywood sign
And I despised being an A-list actress
I couldn’t keep acting like I was in a movie -
my emotions can’t be scripted and predicted
My love for Sarah isn’t for show
My love for her is deeper than anyone could ever know
I didn’t audition for the grieving sister role
But I’ve been forced to play the part
No matter what it’s done to my grieving heart
I may be the world’s greatest actress
But I wish that you’d see,
That all this time what I really want to be
is the world’s worst actress
